Congregation at The English Speaking Church of Grenoble

Rev. Stephen Coffin is the Chaplain at The English Speaking Church of Grenoble. James Dalrymple of Grenoble Life talked to him about the church services and activities, his experiences in Africa and England, and why he came to Grenoble. Grenoble Life: Who attends services at The English Speaking Church of Grenoble?

Stephen Coffin: We usually have members from about 10 different Church denominations – and those of no denomination – and 15 nationalities (currently from Australia, Belgium, Canada, China, France, Germany, India, Madegascar, Nigeria, Peru, South Korea, Spain, UK, USA). On a typical Sunday 60 adults and 15 children will be present, across the whole age range, from babies to the retired. Many of those who join us are in Grenoble to work or study for limited periods, so usually a quarter of our membership changes every year. We currenty have 80 adults and 35 children on our membership list, the economic crisis having led to many repatriations. People travel up to an hour from villages and towns around Grenoble.

GL: So, for French legal purposes the church is an Association de l’Eglise Anglicane de Grenoble, but the church is open to non-Anglicans …

SC: Organisationally we are part of the Church of England‘s Diocese of Europe, but only a minority of those who attend are Anglicans, and we warmly welcome everyone. People come to us because English is the language we use, sometimes even just to practise their English! We also have French speakers (25% of current members) who like the way our church is. Some people come to ask questions about Christianity, others just for friendship. Our aim is to be a welcoming body of people, who are discovering more of God’s love and sharing it together and with others. We work in partnership with other local churches, especially the Roman Catholic and Reformed congregations with whom we share the St Marc’s Ecumenical Centre we use.

GL: Tell us about your time in Africa

SC: My wife Marian and I had developed an interest in the wider needs of the world, and felt it right to offer our energies to those less well off than ourselves. Friends worked in Rwanda, and when we contacted their mission agency we were told they were praying for someone with my qualifications. We went to Burundi, where I worked alongside an African pastor in the local language and French (which he couldn’t speak), particularly with secondary school children. Our 2 and 4-year-old daughters were a great point of connection with local people, and they had a great time there. We received far more from the local people than we felt we gave.

GL: What brought you to Grenoble? SC: We came to Grenoble nine years ago from rural Cornwall – I blame my wife, who prayed for a change! We’d been 14 years in an idyllic country parish, but needed a fresh challenge. Three churches in France were advertising for a new priest, Marian encouraged me to apply and I was blessed to be chosen by Grenoble.  We love the wide variety of people we meet here, and the lively nature of our church. I’d find it hard to go back to a parish in England, I think, as I know people who’ve enjoyed our church do when they leave us.

GL: What do you miss about England?

SC: The only thing that’s hard is being a long way from family, particularly our daughters and elderly parents. But we love life in France and always find ourselves the object of other people’s envy when we’re in UK. We can always bring back odd products like marmite (!) and the internet gives access to English books. British TV, still best, comes on DVDs.

GL: You are rennovating a house in Savoy – how is that going?

SC: We bought a wreck seven years ago, which we’ve been gradually transforming on days off. It’s nearly finished now, and will be ready for our eventual retirement, we trust. Meanwhile it lets us enjoy the cheap skiing in the Maurienne valley, with a more French ambience than you find in the big stations.

Patricia Andreoli-Jones at the Bibliothèque Anglophone de Meylan

Patricia Andreoli-Jones set up and runs the Bibliothèque Anglophone de Meylan. James Dalrymple of Grenoble Life talked to her about the history of the library, the book collection and her international background.

Grenoble Life: You have an interesting international background, please tell us more …

Patricia Andreoli-Jones: I was born in 1956, Bromley, UK. Having been brought up from 1962 in Vevey, Switzerland, I emigrated to Sydney, Australia, in 1981, and then Munich, Germany in 1988, where I met a good-looking French guy (Jean-Marc Andreoli) in 1992 and married him in 1993. We moved to Meylan, near Grenoble, in September 1993 for Jean-Marc’s job, before having two children, Lauren and Julien, in 1993 and 1995.

Having worked in Switzerland, Australia and Germany as a trilingual secretary, upon arrival in Meylan I passed the TEFL and  taught English to adults in our local association and in language schools, and to children in primary schools, before founding the Bibliothèque Anglophone de Meylan (BAM), a non-profit association.

GL: When and why was the library created?

PA: I opened the library in October 2006 with 500 books. Our American neighbour and friend of 10 years moved back to the US, leaving a couple of hundred books, and I had quite a few myself. I’d been looking for a place to start a library for over a year without success, when I met the late director of the ARIES computer graphics schools, who immediately said yes with great enthusiasm. He saw it as a great opportunity for his students to have easy access to the English language, so it would serve two purposes, the students and the general public.

GL: How many books are there and how were they acquired?

PA: There are over 2000 books, many donated, some bought at local bookshops but also at the Geneva English Library twice-yearly book-sale, and at Hay-on-Wye in England, a very small town famous for its 30 second-hand bookshops.

GL: What type of books can we find in the collection?

PA: Novels, romance, thrillers, crime, science-fiction, non-fiction, for children, teenagers and adults. All are catalogued on the website.

GL: How do you update the collection?

PA: When a popular author publishes a new book I try to buy it. Or on request. My favorite subscribers are those who have the same tastes as I and will ask for exactly the book I was going to get anyway! [laughs]

BAM books!

GL: Who comes to the library?

PA: French and English-speaking people, families and employees from Inovallée’s 200 companies. Some work in the same company but meet for the first time at the library.

GL: Does the library host activities and how can people get information about them?

PA: The library is too small to host activities, but anything new such as a didgeridoo party [playing and listening to the didgeridoo is one of Patricia's hobbies], or an Open Door day is advertised on our website. The catalogue is also online, as well as a photo and press gallery, a page with recipes specialising in English and Welsh cakes, and sweets which can be eaten at the Open Door days during the year. Anyone with good recipes is encouraged to email me, I’ll add them to the site.

GL: What advice would you give to book-loving expats new to the city?

PA: Although a book, tea and a chat at the BAM in Meylan is a must on a regular basis, I would also send them to The Bookworm Café at the Rue St Laurent in Grenoble where they can buy second-hand books. And the English library of Babel, in the convent of the Minimes is an experience not to be missed. The catalogue is not computerised but the library’s manager Clare Smears knows exactly what’s where.

GL: Can you recommend a good new book from the collection?

PA: I’ve just bought David Lodge’s ‘Deaf Sentence’ which to my mind is his best up to now, and many other new books are on order, such as ‘The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society’ by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows, or Liz Whittaker’s ‘The Dreamstealer’s Trilogy’ – a Welsh tale for children (Liz happens to be my first cousin!).

GL: What’s next for the library?

PA: We are re-opening on 31st August, We will be at Forum des Associations in Meylan (Saturday 12 September, gymnase des Buclos), Stall 53, from 10 am to 5 pm. There will also be an Open Door day with ARIES on 26 September, from 10 am to 5 pm.

GL: What are the opening hours and membership terms for the library?

PA: Monday: 10.30 – 12.30, Wednesday: 10.00 – 11.00, Thursday: 11.45 -14.00. Membership is 10 euros per family per year.

Stephen William Rowe at home

Dr. Stephen William Rowe is a well-known industrial scientist and a Fellow of the renowned IET in the UK. He is English and at 57, has been living in France for more than 25 years. He is also an accomplished musician and songwriter and has a particularly rich past. Grenoble Life wanted to find out more …

Grenoble Life: You are a Senior Scientist in the “Innovation Department” at Schneider Electric (SE). This sounds like fun. In the simplest terms (i.e, for the unscientifically minded like myself), what do you do?

Stephen William Rowe: Well James, in practice I have two simultaneous roles linked to my varied background and my creative penchant.

Firstly I act as a corporate consultant on matters concerning extremely high voltage insulation and very high current arcing phenomena linked to circuit breakers.

Secondly, I apply my creativity to generating innovative ideas for new SE products.

I also spend a good deal of my time passing on my experience, to the upcoming generation of engineers. In today’s highly competitive world, this has become increasingly important because engineers no longer have the time to learn at a leisurely pace by making their own errors. With 120 000 employees in 100 countries, most of whom do not have perfect mastery of the English language, the challenge is not trivial. I love doing this of course!

Creating an environment enabling continuous generation of innovative ideas has become one of the keys to long term company survival. In this respect SE is an excellent place to work at if, like me, one thrives on creating new ideas and concepts.  However, it is a very bad company for those who are looking for a quiet life and a nice corner to doze in …

As “energy efficiency” has become the centre of gravity for our group, I get to work on everything which goes in this direction. The company motto, “Make the most of your energy”, leaves plenty of room for any creative mind. However, at the end of the day, an innovative idea has to generate a useful advantage for potential customers, so not everything goes. Today, mental flexibility is an essential characteristic in industry I think.

GL: Earlier in your varied career, you worked on projects to reproduce lightening at up to 3 million volts. How does that compare to the big storms we get in summer in Grenoble?

SWR: The whole idea behind this is to check that the apparatus manufactured is able to resist being struck by lightning, directly or indirectly. So the voltages at which I have worked are designed to create equivalent conditions to those that nature throws at us.

The laboratory which I led was capable of reproducing the conditions of typical lightning strokes experienced by Grenoble dwellers. The sparks created might be only 20 meters long, but they are also produced only about 10 metres from the control room.

Imagine a lightning stroke falling at the end of your garden, while you’re tending the barbecue…that should give you an idea of what it’s like.

Often, the lightning itself is not the problem. In practice, during the very brief stroke, the high current flowing between the cloud and the ground induces a very high voltage spike in surrounding cables and overhead lines. In this way dangerous overvoltage’s get into everything, PCs included.

My job was to understand the physics of how various insulators behave when such large voltages are applied to them, in order to develop reliable protection devices.

Although we understand a lot, there are many details which remain unexplained. I hope this encourages the younger generation to keep up the good work in this field.

GL: You have also worked frequently with enormously high currents. Isn’t that dangerous?

SWR: Yes it is. There is absolutely no room for non-respect of safety precautions when working with currents of up to 300 000 amps.

But remember, one of the numerous sectors of activity for SE is the protection of electrical energy distribution systems and above all, of the people using them.

To do this we have to reproduce the critical conditions under which our apparatus must function and prove that they consistently function as required.

To do this we use carefully designed installations in which we can repeatedly carry out impressive destructive tests, whilst ensuring the safety of all involved.

The key to successful design here is a perfect understanding and mastery of extremely high current electrical arcs, which otherwise can cause huge amounts of damage.

GL: You left school without qualifications, how did you come to work in Grenoble as a research scientist?

SWR: I left school before 16, with no “O” levels, and two days later was working as apprentice in a TV repair shop. Well, in truth I started by sweeping the workshop floor, making the tea and going to the local bakers to buy sandwiches for the repair engineers.

I then graduated to going out to collect and return TVs with a qualified engineer. In practice this means that I carried the TVs while the engineer chatted-up the customers, who unaccountably always seemed to be good looking women. Waiting in the van I often wondered why discussing a fault should be such a lengthy and tiring process (I never fully clarified this point).

Once my real learning phase began, I rapidly came to appreciate the team spirit and mutual assistance which is at the centre of any apprenticeship process. This taught me the value of sharing knowledge which is now at the very core of my being.

During these years I discovered the value of logical thought for solving the more complicated faults. To me this was like detective work and as Hercule Poirot says, requires the use of the “little grey cells”.

I soon also developed the desire to be able to design, rather than simply repair, and this is when everything really started …

After night classes to obtain “O” levels, I spent two years at a college of further education to obtain “A” levels and thence to Southampton University.

Oh! I also fell in love with and married a French girl, which might just explain some later decisions.

At the end of my BSc Hons in electronics, I was the only student that year who wanted to study further. Consequently I was bombarded with offers for MSc degrees, two being in France.

I chose Grenoble and a subject dealing with polymer films (Plastics). Characteristically, I hadn’t the slightest idea what a polymer was… but the challenge appealed to me. Oh! I also didn’t speak French at all at this time..

Anyway, at the end I got my PhD and then an employment in the company which has since become Schneider Electric and haven’t look back since.

GL: You’ve been nominated for the grade of “Membre Emerite” of the Illustrious French SEE.

SWR: Yes, but Nominated does not mean elected, (as many unsuccessful Oscar Awards candidates know only too well). At present I have simply been invited to submit a “dossier”. This will be considered on its relative merits in September by a panel of eminent engineers and scientists. All the same, this would really be a nice feather to put in my cap.

GL: How do you think Grenoble competes with other cities as an area for scientific and technical innovation?

SWR: Grenoble has always seemed to me to be at the centre of technical and scientific excellence. It has excellent universities and world class research facilities. As a town, it has managed to attract and retain a strong multi-national scientific community which is the basic ingredient to firing innovative thinking.

Few however, can survive on enthusiasm for science alone and the harder one works, the more there’s need for other outlets. In this respect Grenoble has a unique quality in that it has outdoor activities for everyone, AND all year round. Not many places can boast equally attractive outdoor activities for every season. So body and mind are equally well catered for.

And then there is culture and music as well, of which Grenoble has more than its fair share.

Finally, Grenoble is a human sized town, has an excellent public transport system a superb healthcare infrastructure and breathtaking views.

Tell me where I can find a better mix and I might go and take a look, but I doubt it.

GL: You must have had opportunities to work in other countries, why have you stayed in Grenoble?

SWR: As you say I have had ample opportunity of observing other towns, other countries and of course, other companies.

However, the company I work for has always backed me up and supplied me with the opportunities to use my talents to the utmost. I have been able to contribute to many extremely interesting topics and have never for an instant been bored or tempted to look elsewhere for fulfilment.

I work hard and play hard and have found Grenoble to be perfectly adapted to my conception of life. There are other places which I’ve found very pleasant to be for a time, but not to live and work in.

GL: You also speak at a lot of international scientific conferences, how do you find any free time?

SWR: I don’t really know what “free time” really is and I’m not sure I need or want any. My time is always taken up 100% by the things I want or need to do.

When home, my time is filled by looking after family, house and garden, music making, outdoor activities, writing etc. I very rarely watch television, so this alone frees up about 20 hours a week with respect to many other people.

In fact, at present, I could do with an extra couple of hours per day to write novels and expand my vegetable garden, but not at the same time. In ten years time I’ll probably appreciate a little “free” time, but for the moment, no thanks!

GL: As a long term resident in Grenoble, you must feel like a ‘native’?

SWR: Ha! Nasty one that … The truth is that I no longer feel native anywhere.

I lived for nearly 20 years at Crolles and was completely integrated into the community there. This is the advantage of the Grenoble region where people are so used to the presence of foreigners. I didn’t feel foreign though.

I now live in a small mountain village and although being integrated into the tissue of things, will obviously never be felt of as anything else than l’Anglais.

This doesn’t trouble me much because the local people have so much to teach me about rural life that it is a very small price to pay.

GL: You have two grown up children. Have you raised them bilingually? How?

SWR: Yes. Since they were born, I spoke to them only in English and my wife only in French.

They were naturally much better in French because I was their only source of English for many years. Both went through a phase of being nervous at school about their double nationality, because they were worried that teachers would expect too much of them.

English spelling also gave both of them trouble because they had insufficient practice. However all this has now been resolved. For both of them, probably the most important tool was surprisingly listening to songs in English.

GL: You’re a black belt in Judo and Self Defence. Are these really useful in modern life and have you ever had reason to use it!?

SWR: The key to success in learning martial arts is that they give you self confidence and the intelligence to know when there is no other way out than to apply them. It teaches you when to move away from a confrontation rather than to allow anger or pride to cloud ones judgement

Judo is a sport, and using even a simple Judo throw on a hard surface such as a road is extremely dangerous. The damage done can be immensely more serious than the perceived danger because a human body thrown over your shoulder onto the pavement does not bounce back like a rubber ball.

So each situation requires applying a graduated response. The first and best is to learn to avoid delicate situations and the second best is to know when to back down gracefully.

Self defence (Ju Jitsu) is another kettle of fish. Its objective is to supply the tools to defend yourself or your family when confrontation is unavoidable and the danger real. It is potentially more dangerous than Judo, because you are learning to save yourself from very serious risk to health.

For example, if attacked with a knife or metal bar you should turn and run, but if you can’t, you must disarm the opponent and ensure that he will not have a second chance. You have about two seconds to do this in. This can be very painful for the opponent.

I was lucky to learn all this at Crolles with Frederic Rouhet (5 Dan), and warmly recommend his club to any who would like to discover this discipline.

At 57 I don’t get frequently aggressed and rarely have to do more than give a few calm words of warning, which is best for all involved.

GL: You are also a passionate musician and have recently started writing songs in French. What difficulties have you faced?

SWR: I started learning classical guitar at 11 but soon turned to folk and was writing lyrics at a young age. I came across these early efforts recently and feel very fortunate that I didn’t have the courage to perform them in public at the time.

I don’t think I’ve stopped playing guitar since those days, although work and family did slow things down for some time.

About four years ago I decided to record all my favourite compositions to keep as a memory of times gone by. This took about six months, but I discovered that the creative spirit was still alive and kicking and one new song led directly to another.

I have never had any difficulty in finding new ideas, they just seem to spring up from nowhere, but this time I found myself composing things I never did before, such as Jazz , pop and Rock.

The only major problem is that I have never had a good singing voice, except for some specific styles, so I decided to look for pro singers who were looking for new songs. This is much more easily said than done. However this didn’t dampen my spirits and I’ve since produced 15 new English songs.

On the other hand, before trying my hand at writing lyrics in French, I hesitated for several years. Bad lyrics sound so much more embarrassing in French and I was not convinced that I could manage it without bring shame on the entire household.

My main problem in writing the lyrics was rhyming, because gender has to be taken into account and this invalidates many handy rhymes. It is one thing to speak the language fluently, but a very different business to write convincing, rhyming verse.

However, when I started I was surprised to find that ideas came completely differently in French than in English. Surprisingly, my Myspace page and website have been successful, but nothing positive has come of it yet.

GL: You won a BBC TV scenario contest in 2006. What was the story and how can we see the finished result?

SWR: The scenario was called “Grass”.It was played out in Wales and told the story of a research team hunting for ways of improving crops resistance to drought for poor economies.

The hero (a really nice chap) discovers a naturally resistant grass growing high on Snowdon. But where did this grass originate from? It proves amazingly fast growing and extremely resistant, unfortunately to everything including weed killers. And then some seeds get out …

This was really good fun to write but showed me how difficult writing for TV really is. Everything has to be visual and fast moving. Part of the prize was to work with an upcoming pro. This is when the trouble began …

I won’t go into detail, but suffice to say that we disagreed very strongly as to how the various characters would react to the various situations.

No doubt, a research scientist jumping onto the lab bench and tap dancing, and girlfriends vomiting, is good for audience counts, but I wasn’t prepared to go that way, so I abandoned the project.

Sorry for those who would have liked to see it on BBC TV. However, I am planning to write this and several other ideas up as books … As soon as I have a little “Free Time”.

Alison Dupré at work!

Originally from the UK, Alison Dupré has lived in France for over 10 years. She moved to Grenoble 18 months ago and now works at the Crédit Agricole Sud Rhone Alpes bank in Grenoble where she has set up the new “Bilingual Service”. James Dalrymple has a few questions.

Grenoble Life: Why has Crédit Agricole introduced a service offering financial advice in English?

Alison Dupré: There’s a large population of English-speaking customers in the region: in the Ardèche and Drome mainly Brits with holidays homes and in Isère expats who are employed in local companies or students. Although many clients have a good level in everyday French, when it comes down to discussing housing insurance or mortgage repayments that’s when things get a bit complicated!

GL: What services do you offer English speakers ?

AD: I’m based at the online branch at the head office where we have set up the free Bilingual Service. We can help Anglophones to open an account, provide them with means of payment and offer other services and products that they are entitled to have according to if they are residents or non-residents. The most important aspect of the Bilingual Service is that we give advice in English concerning all banking and insurance matters – I have a direct line where clients can call me if they are in France or abroad, we can communicate by e-mail or they can come to see me at the head office in Grenoble.

GL: Is this an increasingly common service now in French banks?

AD: Some banks advertise “English-speaking services” or have part of their web site in English, however as I mentioned in my article not all staff speak fluent English or understand cultural differences. A couple of months ago a lady phoned me to test if I was a “real” Anglophone. She  had contacted other banks which offered an “English-speaking service” but the staff were unable to understand her questions.

GL: How were you recruited for the job and what kind of training/qualifications did you need to get your job?

AD: I simply sent my CV to the bank when I first arrived in Grenoble and luckily my profile corresponded to a new position they were contemplating on creating.

As a student in the UK I had several holiday jobs in banks and during my Modern Languages degree I worked in the international department of a bank in France and in Madrid for an international finance company. I then obtained a Postgraduate diploma in Business Management in the UK and a similar French qualification.

After several years of teaching business English for Michelin in Clermont-Ferrand and for the Chamber of Commerce in Le Puy-en-Velay my husband was offered a new job in Grenoble.

When I arrived at the bank they had drawn up a training programme for me over six months. I also had to take several exams and carried out placements in different branches to gain the necessary experience.

GL: You said in your article for Grenoble Life that many people, including the French themselves, struggle with bureaucracy in France – have you mastered it now [laughs]?

AD: It helps having a French husband. I must admit that I deal with banking and insurance but my husband deals with the rest!

GL: As a long-time ex-patriot who has mastered the language and works in a French company, do you feel completely integrated into French life or do you still sometimes feel étrangère ?

AD: After 10 years I now feel completely integrated and strangely enough it’s when I go back to the UK that I feel étrangère. Although I speak fluent French I still have my “Jane Birkin” accent, but this doesn’t bother anyone and my work colleagues are proud to introduce me to others as “notre petite anglaise”.

Alison DUPRE
Bilingual Financial Advisor & Account Manager
Tel. 04 76 86 74 40
From abroad: 00 33 476 86 74 40

photo: donaldtownsend

by Alison Dupré

Until 1999 I had always lived in the UK. When I decided to settle in France I soon realised that there were as many cultural differences as there were new words to learn. I was fortunate enough to study languages at university, so at least I could get by; nevertheless I found it difficult to sort out everyday administrative tasks. After several years of living in France I have discovered that even the French find their administrative system complicated!

I meet English-speaking folk, some of whom have decided to settle down in France, others who have a holiday home here, but who don’t speak much French. They invariably find themselves in great difficulty when they come face to face with French bureaucracy. Even paying a bill can seem complicated if you don’t know how to write a French cheque or if you cannot fill in the direct debit request form.

For newly arrived French-residents the main problem areas seem to be taxation, banking and social security cover (health insurance). Whilst the main difficulties encountered by non-residents tend to be paying invoices and bills, how to transfer funds to France cheaply and efficiently and understanding how French companies and institutions work.

French banks can offer information and solutions to most of the above, but there are relatively few French people who are fluent enough in English to provide this information and this can lead to various misunderstandings. For example, contrary to popular belief, it is possible for a non-resident to open a bank account in France. However, given that bank personnel are often unable to identify a proof of address or proof of tax residence in English, foreigners have often been refused bank accounts unless they already have a property in France.

In reality, however, the documents which are required to open a bank account are as follows: a valid passport, a recent utility bill for your home address, together with a recent tax return/pay slip/ P60 or other tax document which allows the bank to correctly identify your official country of residence. (Generally speaking, where you spend more than six months in any one year is where you pay your taxes and is therefore your country of residence). Some banks do ask for additional information such as bank statements as a form of credit check in order to verify that you are entitled to have a bank account in your country of residence.

French banking usually works on a pay-as-you-go system whereby you pay a monthly fee for your account for a package service including several services free of charge or at half price and an overdraft at preferential rates. There is also an annual charge for bank and payment cards. The costs vary in accordance with the type of card.

Together with a bank account and direct debit card, most non-residents require a cheque book (there is no such thing as a cheque guarantee card in France) and a savings account. Many non-residents choose to have a French mortgage in order to take advantage of the low rates and advantageous conditions offered.

Most French banks now offer a full range of insurance policies most of which are available to their non-resident clients. These include home insurance, car insurance and legal cover.

A range of banking services are available through most high street banks, although few offer an English-speaking service. Although staff have mastered English, they haven’t always mastered the cultural differences between France and neighbouring countries. But things are improving …

Alison Dupré is Bilingual Account Manager for Crédit Agricole Sud Rhone Alpes

English is increasingly common in Grenoble, not least in graffiti !

I used to wonder why, very often, when I tried to speak French in a restaurant, shop, post office or market, for example, the reply would come back to me in English. Given that I am at least semi-competent in French, I couldn’t help feel offended at being treated as a tourist in the country I called home. I don’t think it would be presumptuous to say that I am not alone in this experience. When I first arrived in Grenoble I made a school-boyish but pardonable error in asking: Est-ce que vous avez du bière? at a café, having not quite nailed down the gender of that favourite English beverage. The waitress looked at me as if I was from out of space, before replying “Not bière”.

However, what has become increasingly apparent to me is that my linguistic skills are not being spontaneously judged and deemed unfit but rather that the French are grabbing an opportunity to practice their English. The look of the woman in the café was probably not one of complete incomprehension but one masking certain grammatical computations, for what it was worth. It is probably a look I wear myself quite often as my brain lags doggedly behind my tongue during an experiment with, say, the French Subjonctif.

On the bus yesterday I was very amused to hear a group of nine or ten primary school children singing in unison, “I like English! I like English!” before a musical rendition of the alphabet that faultered every time they negotiated the obstacle course that is “L-M-N-O-P”. “Yes, it is! No, it isn’t!”, I left them chanting ecstatically, presumably in recollection of their English classes, quietly wishing to myself that I had adult students with such unbridled enthusiasm about their training.

This morning I was delighted to be greeted at the boulangerie by a welcome new face. As I have mentioned in a previous post about Grenoble’s service culture, trips to my local shops have sometimes been fraught with peur et tremblement. Today, however, I was greeted by something extraordinary, a new face whose defining characteristic was a smile from ear to ear. Surveying the empty shelves I asked, “Vous n’avez plus de croissants?“, to which the smiling face replied, amiably and in no poor accent, “Not any more!”. In such situations I prefer to persevere in French while remaining friendly enough to show that I don’t mind a conversation in two languages. As he handed me my change with the kind of extraordinary deference reserved for a foreign dignitary (a half bow, and a “thank you, goodbye”), I didn’t even care that I had no viennoiseries to bring back to my wife on Mother’s Day.

Such exchanges are not always as pleasant, I had an interesting experience at the market in Aiguinards a few weeks back. I was at the fromagerie when a man struck up conversation with me, at first curious about my five week old daughter in a baby carrier: generally a guaranteed way to attract attention in France, for better or worse. Realising I was British, he then used the occasion to practise his English, even though I persevered in French. He told me he had spent time studying in the UK, before complaining about the “Shitty weather”. He went on to add that the “food was really Shitty in England, absolutely disgusting! The food was so Shitty it was the first time in my life that I lost weight. There’s probably more cheese here [gesturing at admittedly fantastic selection on the market stall] than in the whole of Britain”. “I don’t mean to offend you”, he added. Charming!

So, despite the best efforts of the Académie française, English seems to be permeating French culture. At my school the other day I had to evaluate the level in English of a number of employees sent by their company. For many of these, it was their first job and they had just recently completed their studies. Furthermore many had taken the opportunity to live and work in the UK to learn English. The impression I am getting is that while the French are proactively and pragmatically studying English, the Brits have become lazy and complacent about studying languages since English became so internationalised.

Tant pis!, the Brits might say (if they knew how to), except that, as reported in the Guardian, companies in the UK are increasingly turning to foreign nationals for jobs that require more than one language. The article shows how second language study has declined in Britain since the Labour government stopped making it obligatory at GCSE, a serious error in the view of many, myself included. I remember one frustrated colleague when I worked in London reacting to a telephone conversation in stilted English with a counterpart from a French museum with the angry exclamation, “I hate it when people can’t speak English!”. Perhaps the wind of change has already come.

From a strictly feminine point of view, a trip to the hairdresser can be an ordeal, even in your native country. I imagine for a boy it is simply a case of “Don’t take too long” but for us ladies, who often have a lot more to lose, literally, metaphorically and financially, it becomes a trip wrapped in all kinds of trichological anxieties.

First there’s the choice – the scientifically-endorsed, one-size-fits-all cut, bestowed by a tight-jeaned graduate wielding an asymmetric fringe and designer clippers, or a slightly dodgy trim from the local gossips on the corner? Add to that the fact that you never get exactly what you ask for – even when you can ask in the correct language – and I was more than usually nervous about my first trip to a French coiffeur.

I needn’t have been. It was a breath of fresh hair from wash to blow-dry. As my scientific French isn’t up to scratch and having a slight phobia of overly shiny surfaces, I rejected the swish salons of Jean-Louis David for my local snippers in Uriage – two friendly girls who, as far as I could tell, did not leak one village secret.

Desperate to avoid the standard Jeanne d’Arc haircut, I had hurriedly ripped a picture out of Marie-Claire that morning, which was met with plenty of nodding and a flurry of words including « dégradé ». I hoped that “degrading” was not going to be the result.

I went for the standard wash, cut and blow-dry. So far, so good. No coffee was offered, banishing at once the dual problems of dashing to the loo mid-cut, and coffee breath-holding while they do the front. However, unlike British hairdressers, mine was not at all reserved about announcing my hair’s defects to the entire room. « Mais ils sont secs ! Secs, secs, secs ! » she tutted, warning me off straighteners for life, while applying something almondy to my shamed locks.

As usual it was a little shorter than I’d asked for, but I was surprised. Staring back at me was someone who resembled slightly less a frazzled British girl and ever-so-slightly more a glamorous coiffed French lady. It cost €40, around £20 less than I’d pay in the UK.

TIPS

• Big salons are more expensive €30 – €90+ for colouring, but will often give you a package price that covers everything – ask exactly what the price includes.
• At a local hairdresser, study the price list as there can be costly hidden extras. €25 seems cheap for a cut, but washing and blow-drying is often charged separately, at around €5 – €10 each, and conditioner can add an extra €6 to the bill.
• Ask for student or young person discounts if you are under 25.
• Take a picture of the desired result along with you.
• Tipping isn’t obligatory for standard service (without coffee!).

Finally, some handy vocabulary for going to the hairdresser:

Your hair: vos cheveux

A lock of hair: une mèche

Fine: fins / Thick: épais / Oily: gras / Dry: secs / Curly: bouclés / Frizzy: frisés /

Smooth: lisses / Damaged: abîmés

A wash: un shampoing

Hair conditioner: une crème ou après-shampoing

A deep-conditioning hair mask: un masque capillaire

Dyed / to dye: colorés / faire une couleur

Highlights or streaks: des mèches

A haircut: une coupe

Short or long: court ou long

Layered / Layered on top: dégradé / dégradé sur le dessus

A blunt cut: au carré / Asymmetrical: asymétrique

A fringe: une frange

Hair ends: les pointes

A hairdryer: un sèche-cheveux

A blow-dry or straightening: un brushing / un brushing raide

Slightly turned up at the ends: un brushing avec un léger mouvement sur les pointes